silver linings and moving on

Death may end a life but it will surely not end the love you feel for someone so dear. Not if there is nothing that could compare to the unconditional affection he has given you. My Dad is someone who gives love without expecting anything in return. A little hug or kiss may lighten his mood especially when this sign of affection comes from his grandchildren. I could not recall ever feeling bad towards my Dad because he is the best for me. He may be “masungit” at times but that is something he doesn’t do intentionally. It just shows due to the stress of a day’s work I suppose.  I would like to remember Dad that way. I don’t want to be haunted by the 11 days that we saw him suffering in the hospital.

Those 11 days were the hardest days of my life. 28 years of loving Dad to be cut short by 11 days of agony. Sometimes I get to thinking that it might be better if Dad was taken away abruptly. Maybe that way, he would not have suffered. Maybe it would be much easier to accept. But things happen for a reason I suppose. Maybe there is something underneath it all. Those 11 days made us whole. Those 11 days made us strong. These were far from becoming before those 11 days hit us. 11 days with Dad at the hospital made us realize something we should have realized before.

Dad is now at his final resting place. We can start going on with our lives again. But this time without him. It would be like starting all over again - a complete overhaul of our lives. But we can pick up the pieces again, just with Dad at the background.

Whatever happens next depends on how we handle the situation ahead of us that was brought about by 11 days of nightmare. We can cope because we have to. And with that I say, que sera sera.

Goodbye Dad…

Saying that was the hardest of all because I know I won’t be seeing you again. But it was the best thing also because I know you’ll be free from pain and aches. I am happy with that. And finally you get to meet the Big Boss. He’ll be happy to welcome you because you have been the best dad to three children who will surely miss your presence. Watch over us especially Chet because I can feel his pain more than anybody else. He cries and his tears do not wash away his sorrow. In time, we’ll all heal, but you’ll stay vivid in our memories. Dad, you’re the best. I love you. I wish I could have said that when you were still able to hear it. But I do not regret anything because I think I have shown what I should have told you.

Thank you Dad for all the good memories. I will always cherish them and I will tell your grandchildren all the things they need to know about my Hero…You are my Batmat and my Superman. Thanks Dad.

And may you be with the Big Boss as I close this note.

I love you Dad. Goodbye! 

Raising Money and Not My Blood Pressure

It has been 8 days since dad was admitted to the Coronary Care Unit (CCU) of St. Luke’s Medical Center (SLMC) – eight days of little sleep, lots of stress, and crying tears of infinite supply.

Dad is doing what is least expected of him. He is fighting for his own dear life in ways only a miracle from God could ever explain. And he is showing good signs of coming back soon. We just hope things get better for him because we miss him so much.

Eight days and our hospital bills have rocketed to an awesome Php 645,000! I have never held such a big amount in my entire 28 years of existence. And that is just a partial billing because up to now there is no guaranteed day when dad will be discharged from the CCU. To top it all, SLMC is asking for a partial settlement of the bill ASAP. The last one has put us thinking from the depths of our thoughts: Where in the world will we get that partial payment at this time of the year? That and all other thoughts mixed with dramatic background music and a cup of coffee (black and sweet) has got me writing. I need to let this all out before I sense another migraine coming.

I get to think too that maybe things have a way of happening really. And that I do not possess what it takes to comprehend why things happen the way they do. It confuses me to ponder and it just breaks my heart why when I am about to feel good about my life, shit pours and when it does, it pours good – pretty confusing really.

In the midst of what’s happening to me and my family, I want to keep a straight mind and think of ways to raise money instead of raising my blood pressure. It sure won’t be good to follow my dad to the CCU right now. And it surely won’t do us any good to despair. So help me God and help my dad as well.